


Attachments

by tishtash



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Friendship/Love, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Build, Trust
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-12 14:01:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4481954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tishtash/pseuds/tishtash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I do worry about Levi though. He always seems so reluctant to connect, like he's afraid to get too close." </p>
<p>"Maybe that's a good thing here. While attachments are a nice sentiment, in battle they can present a conflict to those who cannot prioritise the cause above their personal feelings. Maybe we'd all be better off if we followed his example."  </p>
<p>Hanji frowned at Erwin, "you can't really believe that."  </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Loss is a natural part of life in the Survey Corps. It is often easier to shut off emotions than allow them to devastate you, but no one can truly live a life like that - a harsh fact that Levi and Erwin come to discover in time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Accused

 

 

It was the end of Levi’s first six  months in the Survey Corps.  Captain Erwin had called  Levi to his office without disclosing the reason. Levi was reluctant to attend, still bitter about the circumstances  that he was forced to join the Survey Corps under. Since  return ing  from beyond the wall Levi  had been moved to another squad with Hanji  and had focused on training to distract  himself , hardly seeing Erwin. The Captain was preoccupied with further adjustments to his titan-avoiding formation and attending gatherings with noble s  in Wall  Sina  to gain funds for another expedition. Apparently Erwin had a knack for persuading nobles to part with their  coin using his charm. While Erwin played diplomat, Levi was stuck adjusting to the life of a solider. 

Despite being unpopular at first amongst the ranks, Levi had gained acceptance. The other soldiers forgot his  criminal past  after witnessing his skills. Hanji  improved hi s image as well.  For some reason she had taken him on  like a stray dog; sitting with Levi in the mess hall, training with him and dragging him to socialise in the bar on weekends. Levi had tried to resist. Grief was a disease for Levi, slowly trying to consume him. Hanji ’s pestering did not allow grief to take root too deeply. Levi still functioned along with daily life, allowing brief  moments to be  devoted to his pain. 

Captain Erwin returned from Wall  Sina  during the night and immediately sent a note to Levi requesting his presence early in the morning. The young Captain poured hims elf a drink in his quarters, utilising  his stash that was neatly hidden under his bed. Commander  Shardis  and Mike were still in Wall  Sina  preparing for another gathering. They were tired of appeasing nobles who did not  appreciate the  hard work of the Survey Cor ps. All  they wanted to be told stories of colossal titans and the brave heroes who  fought them. Aristocrat’s entertainment was not the reason countless comrades had been lost. The liquor burning its way down Erwin’s throat fuelled his anger, but it brought a haze that lulled him to sleep. 

Sharp knocks at the door woke Erwin. Levi stood  impatiently in the hall,  disappointed  to be missing practise with Hanji . From behind the door Levi heard heavy scuffling, minor curses and a muffled “come in”. Captain Erwin sat at his desk, using his fingers to comb his hair into its usual  clean-cut  style, however ,  his rumpled clothing and dark circles displayed  his exhaustion. Levi gently shut the Captain’s door and stood a few  metres from Erwin’s desk. 

“You look terrible,” Levi remarked, watching Captain Erwin rub his eyes to remove the remnants of sleep.  

“Levi, regardless of my  state I am still your commanding officer who should be shown a certain degree of respect,” Erwin caught the ghost of his reflection in a photo frame on his desk, “and I’m also aware of awful I look so you don’t have to inform me.” 

The Captain’s  quarters  were adequate;  bookcases  lined the walls, a grand desk stood as the central focus of the room and a small bed was pushed into the corner. Tall windows facing the south allowed sunlight to  enter, highlighting the small particles of dust floating in the air. This would have bothered Levi had the  dusts stillness not given him a  sense of calm,  as though  noticing this mundane  thing allowed him to step out of himself and feel peace for even a second. 

“So how is training going? Flagon has been reporting good things,” Erwin asked as he leaned back into his chair. 

“Have you been checking up on me Captain?” Levi smirked. 

“Of course, you’re ultimately my responsibly . The higher ups are very interested to see your progress in becoming a soldier for humanity .”

“Oh, really? Well I hope I’m not disappointing them.”

“Your sarcasm is not appreciated, Levi.” 

Erwi n’s chair screeched as he stood to fetch the small cup of water from his bedside table. The headache that hung over him  was refusing to clear; a result of little sleep and fake smiles . Levi patiently watched the Captain, expecting the reason for his summons to be made clear . Instead  Erwin returned to his desk and leaned back  as though he had an abundance of time to waste. “When I was a boy,” Erwin began, “I used to despise all the nobles who travelled through. They always flaunted their cash, making others feel inadequate. It’s almost funny now how much we rely on the patronage of those who have money to waste on the finer things whilst so many die starving in poverty.” 

“Something  tells me that you didn’t ask  me  here  to discuss the inequality within the walls ,” Levi remarked, approaching a bookcase to casually inspect Erwin’s collection.

“No, there are more urgent matters. As you know we need money for the next expedition, shaking down the aristocrats has proven…difficult this time round,” Erwin began to fiddle with letters left on his desk. 

“I’m no t exactly sure how this concern s me.” 

“While many are apprehensive about parting with their money, the nobles have heard many stories about you. They’re very interested to meet you and Commander  Shardis  thinks that giving them what they want will…what I’m suggesting is that you accompany me to a few parties.  Show your face ,  get the Survey Corps funding . Everyone wins.” 

Levi trailed his fingers over the spine of a new leather bound book spouting the propaganda of the cult that praised the walls. The content didn’t matter to Levi as he pulled the book out, lazily flicking through the pages.  Fanatical scribbles were of no interest to Levi. Praising walls that kept the world of humans safe only helped to promote the importance of the  aristocracy, that  alone was reason enough to despise the  cultists. They insisted upon harassing the Survey Corps before and after expeditions, spouting hate . 

“This isn’t me asking you, Levi. You will come with me to Wall  Sina  and impress the aristocrats.”

“I thought you wanted me to join the Survey Corps to fight.”

“Fighting is a part of your duty as a solider, as is representing your comrades  to ensure that we can carry on the work we do.” 

Levi sniggered at such a comment. He was no representative of the suicidal men and women who went beyond the walls. No, his people were the  cutthroats  and scoundrels of the underground. There were plenty of other people – good, honourable people –  that  Erwin could take. Hanji for instance, she was an eccentric but she was a genius. While she may not have assimilated well  into high society  she would be entertainment , which is all they really wanted.  Even someone like Jonathan Knox, a man who struggled with basic functions of the 3D manoeuvring gear, had potential to wow nobles with his charm. There was no point in arguing  though;  Levi knew that Erwin would have already considered all of this. The endless stories of Captain Smith’s intelligence, strategic mind and consideration were told throughout the ranks. Having seen it  first hand , Levi knew nearly all the tales were true and resigned to his fate. 

“So when do we leave?”

-

The carriage to Wall  Sina  left later that morning, allowing Levi little time to pack his belongings.  It was a bumpy ride for most of the journey that consisted of silence. Levi stared out the tiny window, wishing he were any where else with anyone else. 

- 

Clothes were provided for Levi upon arrival at the Military Police quarters where they would be staying for an indefinite period. The accommodation was lavish, better than Erwin’s office by miles. It was nice to know that so much funding went towards the comfortable living of the men and women who protected the nobles from regular citizens crimes. 

Levi’s attire for the night was a simple white shirt and black trousers topped off with a black dinner coat, switching the provided tie for his own cravat. Changing took mere minutes, leaving plenty of time to examine the room while waiting for Erwin to collect him. The room was equipped with a double bed that took a cosy corner of the room which left the rest of the space to be utilised for a desk, wardrobe, bookshelves , a fireplace and whatever other “necessities” a solider needed. This  one  room contained more furnishings than Levi had ever owned in his life. A dry feeling began to build in Levi’s throat that no amount of water could wash away. 

Gently, Erwin knocked on Levi’ s door. Without waiting for an answer a blond head popped round the door , “the carriage is waiting outside.”

- 

The Survey Corps gained enough funding for the next expedition – barely. Nobles seemed impressed by Levi’s suppressed fury that had been mistaken for stoicism . Journeying back with Commander  Shardis , Mike and Erwin felt longer than the trip there. The men discussed important business to do with Erwin’s formation, where excess funds should go and the issue of gaining new recruits.  The conversation was being directed by Erwin, not  Shardis . Many thought  Shardis  a competent Commander when it was in fact the young captain  pulling  the  strings. The pretence of loyalty was done to pass the time before Erwin inevitable became the next commander. 

“Levi,” Erwin caught his attention from the scenery between Wall  Sina  and Maria. “Did you hear what Commander  Shardis  said?” 

Levi rubbed his face, “No I did not.”

Commander  Shardis  made no attempt to hide his disapproval at Levi’s total lack of respect, muttering about manners.  If it had not  been  for Erwin’s persuasion , Levi never would have set foot above ground. Take away all of the skills that the underground rat possessed and he became nothing. It was luck that Levi’s use outweighed his disrespect. 

“The Commander wants you to move into my squad,” Erwin said looking directly at Levi , who silently registered the  order. 

Mike laughed and gently prodded Levi with his elbow, “see it’s this silent thing he does that made all of those noblewomen go crazy for him! You should have heard Lady Arielle talk about him. She wanted to know if we’d bring him back!”

“Hmmm I’ll have to think on that one,” Commander  Shardis  said. 

“Sir, Levi is an asset and the nobles adore him. It would be senseless not to utilise this further ,” Erwin argued. 

“ Who  we take to Wall  Sina  is decided by me ultimately. We cannot be seen to be taking  him as a showpiece, what does that say about our own capabilities? Really? If anyone it should be  Erica  here with us. She’s the most high ranking and capable alongside you and Mike. Honestly Erwin, you cannot keep  using this boy as your  showdog -“ 

From Levi’s boot he revealed the knife and began to fiddle with it between his fingers, “I’m nobody’s dog.” 

“Are you threatening me boy?” 

“Well why don’t you keep talking and find out?” 

Erwin intervened, appealing to  Shardis  and Levi’s better sense of judgement. Convincing them that they needed each other proved difficult and ended in resolving that Levi would not be allowed to attend events in Wall  Sina  until  Shardis  decided he learned respect. It was not the outcome Erwin had wanted but it was one he would accept.  

- 

Watching his squad throughout their morning fitness, Erwin contemplated his thoughts on Levi. Erwin was surprised by how compliant Levi was as a member of his squad. Far too many reports had been brought in declaring Levi’s inability to follow certain people’s orders. It was clear from the  paperwork who had  earned  Levi's  respect  - Erwin got a warm sense of pride that he  was a member of such an elite group . However, Erwin retained a respectable amount of suspicion about this. Not long ago Levi had intended to kill the young captain and now there was no trace of that urge. Either it was a survival tactic, making peace with those who benefited your interests, or Levi was simply waiting. 

“Erwin!” shouted Hanji as she ran to him from across the training grounds carrying a file, “you’ll never guess what I found out about our titan friends!” 

Hanji’s enthusiasm always made Erwin chuckle. Never had he thought someone could be so joyful about titans, but she was. Hearing her rave about new findings comforted Erwin that they were making progress  and was usually a welcome distraction. 

“Not today, Hanji. I’m afraid I haven’t the time.” 

Despite Erwin’s strong stance, arms crossed as he monitored his troops, Hanji saw the dark circles under his eyes and knew, “you know if you’re having nightmares my door is always open if you want to talk about them.” 

“Thank you, but you have your own.” 

“Not as bad as yours.” 

The two stared in silence at Erwin’s squad heavily sweating. They ran back and forth in shuttles carrying bags of sand the weight of a full-grown man whilst weighed down by the 3D manoeuvre gear. The squad encouraged one another, spurring them to carry on.  Levi patted his teammates of the back and assisted loading the sandbags despite his own fatigue. This was the comradeship that they needed in the field. 

“Levi is doing very well, don’t you think?” Hanji asked. 

“Indeed he is, there is talk of potentially promoting him earlier than expected.”

“ Ahhh  so that’s why he got moved into your squad so he can learn from the best,” Hanji winked at Erwin who  just  rolled his eyes . Hanji's tone dropped for a moment, "I do worry about Levi though. He always seem s so reluctant to connect, like he's afraid to get to o  close."

"Maybe that's a good thing here. While attachments are a nice sentiment, in battle they can present a conflict to those who cannot prioritise the cause above their personal feelings.  Maybe we'd all be better off if we followed his example. " 

Hanji frowned  at Erwin, "you can't really believe that." 

Erwin watched Levi scoop the sandbags off of a small female recruit and place them on his own back to continue the shuttle. The girl looked sweet, her auburn hair resting just above  her shoulders and staring admiringly at Levi. Erwin could have even swore he saw Levi crack a smile for her. A moment so human is what keeps  people going in the harshest of times, it's what the Survey Corps is fundamentally fuelled to protect . 

"I...don't know anymore," admitted Erwin. A tentative hand rested on his upper arm, Hanji nodded her head and  walked away. 

-

The Survey Corps base was a short ride from the nearest town on a quiet day. Hanji at the first opportunity couldn't wait to drag Levi along with her and two other cohorts to take a personal day. Levi sat on the back of his horse all the way to town thinking about how much he disliked being strung  along . He didn't know Hanji's friends well enough to join in their therapeutic banter but he had seen them around. Arnold Flax, a tall man with a huge brown mane for hair, was a big joker. Any topic was an opportunity for  humour  to him. Many hated that about him, wanting to be left to wallow in their own misery and shoulder their pain as a martyr. Ultimately, Arnold was a great fighter and he knew when to shut his mouth, Levi could respect that. Hanji's other friend was Finnigan Godrick, who was affectionately referred to as Fig. They were good people – loud and talkative, but good. 

Town was peaceful, the locals went about their work with subtle cheer; bakers apprentices rolled through the streets with fresh deliveries of bread to elderly customers;  florists  arranged shopfronts proudly, occasionally gifting flowers to passing children; and cafe  owners  set out tables outside as they whistled tunes of summer.  The late morning held a haze of relaxation.  Levi questioned if he was dreaming but he knew his dreams could never be so sweet. 

Hanji directed the group to a small cafe in the central square of the town. It sat beside a grand fountain that no longer pumped water. The café owner seemed to know Hanji well and placed them in the perfect spot to admire the day. Left with a menu, Levi scanned it. They didn't offer much which was no surprise , luxury food was scarce for all. However the lack of food variety didn't affect this cafe as they  seemed to  specialise  in exotic tea blends. Levi glanced at Hanji who was  intensely  staring at her menu with a huge grin.  Tears threatened to stream down Levi's face but he managed to maintain his composure . It had been a passing thing, telling Hanji that in the underground stealing fancy tea was his guilty pleasure and now they were here. 

They ordered tea and chatted on about trivial things, nothing to do with titans. A day of forgetting what lay beyond the walls was nice. Levi even felt chatty enough to join in conversation, offering up anecdotes of his former lodging s  underground. Arnold and Fig were amused but knew not to pry further than what was offered. 

Before sunset the four set back home to the barracks and arrived in time for dinner. Despite this Levi decided to sit alone. A gnawing feeling had started to eat away at him on the ride home. He had only shared a few stories but felt exposed. Letting people in was something Levi didn't want to do, not again. To protect himself he had to remain aloof. Distance allowed him to return for expeditions and not think about the people they'd lost. Hanji had weasled her way into Levi's sphere of caring, now Arnold and Fig were a part of that. It would now be  harder for him to not be affected by the thoughts of  the statistically certain death awaiting  his comrades. 

"Mind if I sit down?" Erwin asked, hand placed on the chair next to Levi's. 

Levi's only response was a shrug. Erwin sat down and the two ate together in comfortable silence. Food provided by the kitchen was always agreeable, it was easy to eat copious amounts of the stuff to balance out the constant training. Although, Levi  analysed  the size of Erwin's portion and could tell it was to small for a man of Erwin's  stature. Even the way he meekly at raised a concern with Levi. 

"Levi, are you still in touch with any of your associates from the underground?" Erwin asked. 

"Not that it's any of your business, but no. Most of them probably think I'm dead." 

"How unfortunate..." Erwin rummaged in his jacket and pulled out an envelope, passing it to Levi. 

The envelope had clearly been opened and sealed multiple times. Levi slid the document out and skimmed the letter. It's origi nal  recipient was Commander S hardis who had been tasked to locate the person who had been smuggling supplies and equipment to black market criminals, including those in the underground.  T his didn't surprise Levi, so much of their equipment was high quality which meant big money. However, He didn't understand why this problem was being dumped on their doorstep. Corruption of this nature was more likely to be found in the M ilitary P olice who should be able to deal with the problem internally. The Survey Corps had better things to do than root out the malpractice of other regiments. 

Levi handed the documents back to Erwin, "seems like a problem for the Military Police." 

"I would usually agree with you if there weren't certain accusations flying around."

"Get to the point, Erwin." 

"Many officials are keen to place the blame on you," Levi's lack of response urged Erwin to continue, "we're being allowed the freedom to investigate the matter. Of course, to clear all doubt we must find who is actually  responsible  to ensure your  integrity." 

"We?" 

"It's in your interest to help with the investigation, plus your experience in the criminal underworld  should be an asse t . Unless you want to be taken away to a military prison? " 

Levi considered the situation before him. Here he was casually being informed that he could be court marshal ed  for  crimes he didn't commit. His  fist  ached from clenching and unclenching to control his outrage. 

"We're expected to be in Shardis' office at 9 o'clock tomorrow to discuss this matter further. Don't be late," Erwin  rose  from him seat  and left Levi to think on it. What surprised Levi most about the whole situation was that at no point had Erwin considered that he wasn't innocent. 

-

_ Sweat. Blood. Sweat. Blood. Hands covered. Clothes drenched. Nothing clean. Screaming? Yes, the cadet. Can't help. He's crying. No, don't turn back. Don't let that be you. Thudding. Titan? Where? Pain. It's got me. I can't do this, not again.  _

Erwin panted into the waking world. Small beads of sweat appeared all over his body. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, holding his head between them. Outside the window was barely dawn. The smart decision would have been to try and get more sleep but instead Erwin ambled out of bed to his desk. Monotonous paperwork was a welcome distraction from the horrors of past expeditions and stopped him imagining the horrors to come. 


	2. Action

Commander Shardis looked like he had not experienced any joy in his life, it wouldn't even have been ridiculous to accuse him of actively avoiding happiness. Erwin often thought that another distraction would have made the commander more agreeable. Jessica Craig, an old veteran, had once told Erwin that there had been a woman that had taken Shardis' fancy - a Catie- no, Catarina? Oh well, the name didn't matter – but nothing came of it. Over the years Shards had a few affairs, they were short lived and long gone. Erwin wondered if he would end up like Shardis: angry, alone and tired.

The Captains and squad leaders assembled in Shardis' office, sitting around the adequate conference table as Levi hovered by the wall after declining a seat at the table.

"Now I've been hearing things, things I don't want to hear," Shardis announced. "The brass are accusing Private Levi of stealing and selling equipment. As much as I would enjoy throwing that little rat out of our ranks, I am not willing to have such an accusation damage our already fragile reputation. I am tasking Captain Smith with investigating this issue which will hopefully be resolved quickly. All branches of the military are having a mass stock check on all high level equipment. Squad leader Mike, can I rely on you to organise this? Good. Since that's settled we can move onto other matters, Private Levi you are free to return to your duties."

Levi bolted out of Shardis’ office, pushing out of his mind the worries of these slanderous accusations against him. Shardis had glared at him as one would a child. As a grown man, Levi loathed being treated in such a manor that he couldn’t even recall his own mother doing when he was young. Sadly Levi’s memory of his mother was so far from him it was like chasing the setting sun. She was beautiful, that he knew, but no features came to mind - he could only assume that she looked like him. Images of them cleaning their cramped room were all he had. Levi could recall being scolded by Kenny constantly though, perfect scenes stamped in his mind.

Their flat was so lacking in furnishings that Kenny’s nightly stumble to Levi’s room echoed. Every scuff, trip and grunt was heard by Levi. From the sound of it, Kenny wouldn’t make it to his bed. His footsteps sounded more sluggish than usual – potentially tired from the walk home. The couch in the living room sighed under the weight of Kenny collapsing. Levi waited a couple of minutes before sneaking into the living room, stretching to grab the spare quilt from the cupboard to drape it over Kenny.

It was a mystery to Levi why this man had taken him in. He suspected that this man might have been his father, however if that had been true how could Kenny have been certain that Levi was his son? Levi’s mother was a whore; pregnancy was an occupational hazard. His father could have been anyone and Levi doubted that Kenny was the kind of man who would raise another mans child. What confused Levi even more was the fact that Kenny moved into the underground to care for Levi since he lacked above ground citizenship. Why would a man so bitter uproot his life to look after a random child?

Before going back to bed Levi poured himself a glass of water. Kenny rolled over on the couch to stare directly at Levi, “get me another drink, boy.”

“You don’t need one.”

“It’s none of your business what I do and do not need,” Kenny slurred most of his words. “Get me my drink.”

“Can’t, you drank everything last night.”

“Well then you best go get me some more.”

“Go get it yourself, I’m tired old man,” Levi mistakenly turned his back on Kenny.

Despite his intoxicated state, Kenny lunged from the couch and pinned Levi to the wall. Callous hands curled around Levi’s neck, forcing his face further into the wood. Splinters pricked his skin as he attempted to force himself out of Kenny’s grip.

“You’re a little shit, y’know that?” Kenny’s breath was hot on Levi’s neck. “I don’t give a damn if you don’t show respect to nobody but you better learn this: sometimes it’s smarter to respect someone stronger than you. Stop struggling boy!”

Levi jabbed Kenny in the ribs with his elbow. The hand around his neck loosened, Levi stood on Kenny’s foot and was released. His daring moves were in vain as his shirt collar suddenly chocked him. Levi fell to the floor. Kenny planted his foot on Levi’s chest just enough to hold him in place.

Kenny leaned down, his breath was laced with strong wine. Levi noticed the lipstick mark on the corner of his mouth, “I’m a strong believer that pain is the only way to teach brats like yourself. So far I’ve been soft on you but that’s going to change. You _will_ learn to show me respect, got that?” Kenny wrapped his hand around Levi’s shoulder and began to squeeze, sharply pressing his thumb into the small shoulder joint. Levi couldn’t help squealing and apologised again and again and _again_ until his shoulder was released. “See? Was that so hard?”

The pressure was lifted off of Levi’s chest and Kenny scuttled to the couch. Levi’s heartbeat was in his ears, his chest felt huge as he gasped for air and stared at the ceiling, stunned. This was not the first time Kenny had lost his temper but it had never been so…sadistic. Kenny bundled himself in the quilt, rolled over and fell asleep.

Levi tiptoed back to bed. If Kenny woke up again he would force Levi to go down to Miss Girdle’s and steal two bottles of wine. Levi was fast but Miss Girdle’s sons were older and stronger. They had once caught him sleeking away after looting their shop and beat him senseless. The black eye, burst lip and broken wrist – Kenny said it was only sprained but Levi knew that was bullshit – taught him a lesson. Being fast wasn’t enough, he had to learn how to fight. Kenny was a good teacher despite his volatile personality. Intense training in dirty back alleys left Levi aching. He didn’t mind, it made him stronger and safer.

Kenny was a drunk, nefarious man who called him names, but he was the closest thing Levi had to family.

-

The meeting came to an end and, as usual, Erwin was asked to stay behind to discuss other matters. Flicking through papers, Shardis considered how to approach the sensitive subject as the small collective of high ranking officers exited his office. Being blunt was his usual strategy but Erwin wouldn’t respond well and try to-

“Sir?” Erwin said. “What did you want to discuss with me?”

“I suppose there’s no point in beating around the bush, it’s Levi.”

“Commander, forgive me for saying, but we’ve already discussed this and even you have agreed- “

“I know, I know. He didn’t do it, it’s just the brass trying to undermine us, that’s not what I’m getting at,” Shardis lifted himself out of his chair. Erwin watched him mentor approach him and rest a hand on his shoulder. “Now, I mean no disrespect to you when I say this but you are far too fond of that boy. He’s sewer scum and – if that’s not bad enough – he lacks respect.”

A smirk cracked on Erwin’s face causing Shardis to raise an eyebrow and demand an explanation, “Well sir, to be totally honest, Levi does show respect. He’s just a bit…selective. We can work on that though. If the capacity for respect is there then all we have to do is develop it.”

Shardis rolled his eyes, “This is what I’m having a problem with, your determination to defend him despite the lack of…deserving it. Do you not remember that the rat fully intended to kill you?”

“I remember it very well, but it’s clear that time has passed. Levi is an asset to the corps and has proven that- “

“Son, I don’t know how many ways I would tell you that your fondness is misplaced but it’s plain to see that you wouldn’t listen to any of them,” Shardis perched on his desk, rubbing his forehead.

“May I be dismissed? My squad require much more training before the next expedition.”

“Of course, you’re dismissed,” Shardis waved his hand.

Leaving the room, Erwin headed straight to the training grounds where he was sure to see Levi and the rest of his squad. Erwin appreciated Shardis’ advice on many things; how to console the new recruits after an expedition, how to tell the difference between the right thing and what must be done, and how to maintain composure. However, the commander’s opinions on Erwin’s treatment of Levi was not appreciated. Erwin was somewhat aware that his fondness verged on the inappropriate but he was still able to asses the situation objectively.

On the training grounds Erwin’s squad was lounging about. They all got along and were beginning to understand how each other moved, that would keep them alive. Levi sat at the edge of the group. He was scanning the area instead of engaging with his comrades. The sun was on full show today; Levi’s pale underground skin was turning pink. It would be a while before his skin got used to long hours of exposure to sunlight. Erwin was almost tempted to get him a hat.

Levi caught Erwin staring at him and frowned. Erwin smiled in return.

-

The bar was quiet by the late hour Erwin reached it. Mike sat patiently for his companion, nursing a beer as he held an icepack to his eye. New recruits had been pestering him since lunchtime about what happened. He told them is was a training accident, which wasn’t a complete lie, but recruits are so pushy. _Oh come on Squad Leader Mike, tell us what happened! It looks pretty bad…yeah! Exactly like the bruises my brother used to get street fighting…wait, were you in a fight?!_ The kids were excitable and they weren’t stupid.

Erwin slide onto the stool beside Mike and ordered a whiskey. The tension in Erwin’s shoulders was visible, as was the cemented frown and single clenched fist. Mike watched the whiskey handed to Erwin be swallowed in seconds.

“Rough day?” Mike asked.

After consuming another glass of whiskey Erwin responded, “I suppose you can say that.”

“Would you like to talk about it?”

“Are you going to bother me until I talk about it?”

“Probably.”

Another whiskey down, “well this whole Levi problem is proving to be difficult. I’ve looked through as many documents on the issue but to get to the heart of it I need to access records and interview members of the military police.”

“You think they’re the problem?”

“Who else would it be? I tried to keep an open mind but Shardis shared with me annual report documents that commanders of all branches of the military get so they understand how each others branch is doing. In every single report from the last five years it is consistently the Military Police that ‘lose equipment’. Not to mention the fact that their base is directly above the underground where some of the equipment has allegedly been sold to,” Erwin held his head in his hands. “I can’t just go into the MP base and start probing them…”

Through one of the few windows Mike caught a glimpse of Levi and Hanji walking from the barracks to the science base. It appeared innocent until Mike noticed the arm that Levi was being dragged by and the manic expression Hanji had. She had clearly made a new discovery and her new friend would be victim to the long explanation. Levi was resisting but Hanji seemed impervious to his scowling.

“…Mike? What are you thinking about?” Erwin snapped Mike back into the conversation with an idea.

“What if you work backwards?”

“That doesn’t make any- “

“Just listen, it’s barely been eight months since Levi joined us. I doubt much will have changed in the underground, same faces working in the criminal side of life that Levi is probably…acquainted with. Go from the buyers to the suppliers.”

Erwin considered and sighed, “we would still need an excuse to travel to Wall Sina that won’t raise suspicion.”

“I’m sure you’ll think of something,” Mike slid his empty glass to the bartender to fill.

A tingling sensation began to cloud Erwin’s thoughts. Another glass of whiskey and he was on his way to drunk. He began subtly holding the table to retain grounding, careful not to make his gestures too loud or slurred. Despite being friends with Mike for years, Erwin still felt uncomfortable being drunk around other people. Composure was everything and alcohol relieved him of total control. It was a welcomed break, but one he wanted to appreciate privately.

Curiosity finally got to Erwin, “so, are you going to tell me what happened to your eye or are you still going with the lie I’ve been hearing?”

Mike laughed, “is it that obvious?” Erwin’s raised eyebrow confirmed this. “Someone was picking on your boy Levi. Usually I wouldn’t get involved but…things were said and Levi reacted badly – I don’t blame him in all honesty…by the time I stepped in Levi had thrown the first punch which collided with my face instead of the other guy’s.”

“What was the guy’s name? What did he say to Levi?”

Mike racked his brain, “not sure, I could point him out but that would cause more bother. Shardis despises Levi enough and I doubt he’d tolerate infighting.”

“So you stepped in to control the situation?”

“Yeah, thankfully no ones filed a report contradicting mine,” Mike finished his beer off. “There shouldn’t be any trouble.”

Erwin couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol blocking his thought pattern or general bafflement, he couldn’t tell why Mike had helped Levi out.

“Why? You think he’s useful and I’ve seen enough of Levi’s skill to know you’re right and…well that guy was being a real tool.”

Mike was a good man, too good for the Survey Corps. Erwin decided not to press the matter further. This was clearly an incident that Mike wanted left alone, no matter how curious Erwin was he couldn’t allow himself to open the situation more. Even through training Mike had the same sense of honour. One of the smaller, fragile recruits was incessantly bullied in another housing block. It came to Mike’s attention when he went into the showers to find a lone pair of feet trapped behind a cubical, naked and without prospect of help. Mike fetched the recruit a towel and a change of clothes. That began their friendship which made bullies less inclined to pick on the recruit who had Mike, one of the strongest people ever to enter the military, as a friend. 

However, that recruit died on his first expedition outside the walls. Erwin watched his friend grieve and wondered if Mike would be the one to mourn him. A part of Erwin oddly hoped that he would never have to mourn Mike, his oldest friend, and that fate would take him first.

-

_Fun things to do above ground:_

  1.            _Climb the walls_
  2.            _Sleep under the stars_
  3.            _Drag Levi and Farlan swimming_
  4.            _~~Meet a nice boy~~ get a respectable job _



Isabel's handwriting was rough with an odd charm, much like herself. Levi carried this tiny list with him ever since he uncovered it in Isabel's possessions. The paper was soft, becoming weak at the fold lines.

Levi closed his eyes and inhaled. He could almost imagine he was back underground in their tiny house – if it could even be called that. Farlan would be bringing him another cup of tea before heading out for a day’s work. The old couch was where Levi planted himself after waking up, he would sit there until he heard Farlan try, and fail, to get Isabel up. Every morning Levi would march through to Isabel's room and systematically remove any comforts off her bed, threatening to burn them if she didn't get up. This threat wasn't empty as Levi had in fact burned one set of Isabel's pillows and duvet. Levi cracked a smile remembering how Isabel would bolt out of bed and glare at him.

A soldier in the bunk bellow turned over. Levi folded away Isabel's list and got ready alone.

-

Erwin tentatively knocked on Shardis’ office door. Squirming beside him, Hanji whispered excuses. _Erwin I don’t know what I’m doing, this is a terrible idea. He won’t want to hear what I have to say, just let me go back to the research base and work on my theory some more. No, I don’t want to do this._ At any other time, Erwin would have allowed Hanji more time to get comfortable with her ideas, however he didn’t have that luxury.

“Enter,” Shardis shouted. Erwin and Hanji saluted their commander before Erwin placed a thin file on Shardis’ desk. “What’s this?”

“Progress sir,” Erwin answered, watching Shardis skeptically leaf the pages of Hanji’s notes and his own action plan.

It was Levi who brought this to Erwin’s attention. After days of struggling to concoct reasons to go Wall Sina, Erwin became increasingly distracted. During hand to hand combat training Levi was taken out due to his skill and experience, he made a better instructor than student.  Erwin watched his squad with Levi at his side.

“Usually you’re more focused,” Levi stated.

Erwin was startled by the sudden invitation to conversation, “Is it that obvious?”

“Not to everyone, but it’d nice to have a captain who’s actually paying attention to what we’re doing. You didn’t even notice yesterday that shitty glasses tried to drag me away from training yesterday – oi! Petra! With a stance like that no wonder you got winded…no, that’s still wrong – just,” Levi darted over to demonstrate to the newer recruits.

All of the soldiers became distracted by Levi’s presentation. Short jabs, light feet and quick reactions. They were mesmerised by witnessing a professional. Fighting seemed innate, each movement was fluid and precise. Erwin was still curious about who Levi had nearly gotten into a scrap with, he wanted to know who was stupid enough to pick a fight with this fighting machine.

Levi marched back over to Erwin after telling the recruits to get their shit together, allowing Erwin to ask, “what did Hanji want you to see you about?”

“Oh it was something she’s been working on for a while, she said she wanted to talk to you about it but she decided it was my turn to get harassed,” Levi rolled his eyes.

“And?”

“ _Apparently_ Hanji kicked a titan’s limb on the last expedition and found it was light as a feather. She’s been doing some further research on it, looking through old documents and all that boring shit.”

_Ding_. Erwin was suddenly struck with an idea. Such an idea would surely need more funding for research, funding from the nobles in Wall Sina. It was the perfect excuse.

Shardis dropped the file back on desk, “alright, fine. There’s enough evidence to warrant research. I’ll send a few letters to inform Commander Eli of your goals for funding so he can get you audiences and invitations to aristocratic events.”

Erwin waited for Shardis to ask about his true intentions but it was evident that Shardis wanted to remain ignorant on the matter. Plausible deniability. They were dismissed promptly; Hanji was confused at how easy it all was. In the bar they met Levi and Mike who were less than excited about the plans success.

“So we’ll all be heading to Wall Sina soon?” Mike questioned.

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t need you,” Erwin started noting down duties he’d have to take care of before leaving.

Nervously, Hanji cupped her drink, “lets hope it all goes to plan.”

Levi sniggered, _what a team they made._


End file.
